Keep Waking Up
I keep feeling the lump on my face, wondering if it’s only my imagination, or it’s getting bigger gradually. I was under intense anxiety and depression because of it. I’ve mentioned tidal “crashes” before. I felt like I had hit one today—one that I knew would quickly draw me into the depths like a riptide (warning: discussion of physical and mental health). I can’t always predict it, not even with the best efforts. Sometimes merely waking up, I can feel the hypothetical grey stones weighing my body down. I was upset because of the signs of less than optimal health, while I await an appointment that couldn’t be scheduled sooner than April. Further, one doctor in another specialty (he was a fellow) not only lied in his notes, but didn’t record symptoms that I was bringing to his attention. I’m not going back to him, but in the meantime, I must wait—and it along with other things took a toll on me.
So, I talked with a counselor. And she was very patient as I expressed all that was in my heart. She referred me to a couple of websites to cope (appended toward the end of this post—highly recommended) and to find further assistance on my journey toward mental health. I make no assumption that any of my readers do not struggle with serious mental health crises (and no, no form or degree of depression is more or less important; even mild depression is serious and warrants aid). I’ve included the resources here; and the idea is to find at least two coping strategies, then identify triggers (condescending remarks, devaluation, low self-esteem, uncertainty, feeling overwhelmed) and how you might ground yourself (to reconnect with the present instead of the past or even the future). It is also helpful to have a support—perhaps that friend or family who feels natural to you; that person with whom you can be unreservedly you. And finally, do seek therapy. It is no different than going to get cancer treatment, or getting surgery for your heart of for a brain tumor. It isn’t your fault, and it is treatable. I hate to require promises—but can you assure me that you will keep seeking help? Or better yet, see it as an opportunity to go on a life journey unrealized. A journey that will lead you to the ultimate “home”; your place of security. You will find it, if you persist. Waking up each morning is still a significant achievement to be celebrated. We are survivors. Furthermore, we embrace our humanity, and our open to living uniquely, but fully with a heightened awareness. I will be sharing on a weekly basis combinations of coping and grounding strategies that I tried—it’ll be like a surprise assortment of things you can try as well. I hope that it will be helpful to you all. Some of them might be strange—but if they are, try them and either embrace the awkwardness, or laugh at the enjoyment!
And have you write me for a bit of encouragement? As I have written in other posts, I will respond, and I have post cards with butterflies on it that I would love to send to my readers. Perhaps connecting with the basic things will help you—such as the good old-fashioned snail mail. I’m quite the sort:
Embrace of Violets
P.O. BOX 1403
Roxboro, North Carolina 27573
And do email me if it’s been more than two weeks. Our post down here is notorious for being a bit troublesome.
Resources for mental health and coping:
https://www.healthline.com/health/grounding-techniques
https://positivepsychology.com/coping-skills-worksheets/
https://openpathcollective.org/